The Fantasy Fallacy & 50 Shades

Once upon a time (oh, about four years or so ago) I began looking for a book that would challenge and inspire me as a woman who loves to have fun, has (I'll confess) been considered a flirt in the past, has always been more comfortable with guys than girls, who likes to be real, and who has had a hard time trying to find the balance between being "myself" and being who I'm supposed to be as a woman of God.  Obviously, God made me who I am... but sometimes it's kind of hard knowing exactly who that is after growing up in a culture that tells you certain things are right when they're wrong, and certain things are wrong when they're right.  I tried a certain book (the title of which shall remain nameless) two years in a row and ended up trashing it both times.  I decided I'd just stick with the bible until God gave me something in addition to it.

And then last year I stumbled upon Shannon Ethridge's book "Every Woman's Battle", a book that had me excited from the first chapter--it was just what I'd been looking for for three years!  Shannon addresses topics most authors and Christian woman speakers seem to be afraid to address--how to wisely navigate male/female relationships outside of marriage, how to to have a richly rewarding sex life the right way, and now she addresses fantasy in light of the recent "Fifty Shades of Gray" craze with her new book "The Fantasy Fallacy".  

She begins by pointing out common misconceptions that people have about sex and builds off of them throughout the book.  All of the below are false:

• The Sexual Revolution of the past forty-plus years is all about sex.
• The church does an adequate job of teaching Christians how to appropriately assess and discuss the topic of sexual fantasy.
• All fantasy is inappropriate, unhealthy, and sinful. 
• Sexual fantasy and lust are always the same thing.
• Christians control their sexual thoughts and actions better than others.
• Sexual fantasies provide a road map to the sexual fulfillment we crave.
• Sexual fantasies are better left unspoken and unexplored.
• Sexual fantasy is really just the brain's way of driving us to do evil things.
• Anxiety, confusion, or fear over sexual fantasies is not a common issue.
• Interpreting sexual fantasies isn't going to solve any of the world's problems.

Shannon doesn't, like some speakers I've heard, believe that all fantasy is sinful.  God was incredibly creative and we're made in His image, after all.  He can use fantasy for His glory: "The Chronicles of Narnia", for instance, but in our sex lives, too.
 
I love the way Shannon writes because she's real, she's honest about her own failings and temptations, and she is not writing about something she knows nothing about.  She writes with a heart for her reader, whether you're into this "Fifty Shades of Gray" thing or not.

Consider that...

• to fantasize about where to go to college and what to study means we are intelligent.
• to fantasize about getting more out of our careers means that we are ambitious.
• to fantasize about getting physically fit means that we are health conscious.
• to fantasize about getting more out of our sex lives, well, that means we must be lustful, perverted, sick, and twisted.

Of course, that last statement is simply not true.  It is normal and healthy to want the most out of our sex lives, and sometimes fantasy is the best way to achieve that goal--to envision what you might find pleasurable and especially to envision what kind of pleasurable acts you would enjoy offering to your spouse.  -S.E.

If you are into "Fifty Shades", if you're just wondering what all this sexual fantasy is about, if you've struggled with inappropriate fantasy in the past, or if you'd like more fulfilling sex in your marriage, please read "The Fantasy Fallacy"! It's something I believe God put on this woman's heart in His always-perfect timing.  You can read an excerpt by clicking any of the hyperlinks in this post.  ♥


This book was provided to me by the awesome people at Booksneeze in exchange for a thoughtful and honest review!